


La Vie En Camaieu

by Moobaby



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, Starbomb, TWRP | Tupper Ware Remix Party (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Colorblindness, Elements of depression, F/M, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-22 14:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9612026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moobaby/pseuds/Moobaby
Summary: It seems like all of Dan's friends can see the world in all its colorful beauty. He's nearly 40 and he still sees the world in shades of grey.At a fateful NSP/TWRP/Starbomb concert, everything changes.**Inspired by iamavacado's egobang story 'Love Is Any Color' and its one-shot 'Even Rainy Days Have Color.' This has been posted with their permission.**





	1. Leigh "Blue" Daniel Avidan

Dan could hear his name being said, distantly, but it wasn’t quite loud enough to penetrate his concentration. He was seated in the living room of his small house, in the heart of Los Angeles, listening intently to some raw audio from the last recording session he and Brian had done for Ninja Sex Party. He would close his eyes to listen, allowing himself to become lost in the notes. When he closed his eyes and listened, he could escape to a different place. A place where gravity wasn’t quite as strong, and walls weren’t quite as limiting or hard. A place that was colorful and beautiful.

“Dan! Daniel! I’ve been calling you! I want to show you something.”

Dan’s eyes shot open and he quickly pulled his headset off, whipping his head around to look at his best friend, Arin. He had completely forgotten Arin was visiting. Arin laughed warmly at the bewildered expression on Dan’s face, “Dude, if you had turned your head any faster, you would have died.”

“Sorry, man, I was…” He realized mid-sentence that it was obvious what he had been doing, so he shook his head and opted to instead ask, “What did you wanna show me?”

Arin grinned, and motioned toward the kitchen with his hand, nodding his head in that direction as well. Dan untangled himself from the laptop cords and throw blanket he had been wrapped up in, and stood up, taking a moment to stretch. He stood on the balls of his feet, curling his toes into the soft, gray carpet underfoot, and extended his bony arms over his head, eliciting pops from his back and the joints in his arms. Once the satisfying feeling began to ripple through his body, he followed Arin into the small kitchen, his bare feet softly patting against the tile floor.

Dan’s place was always clean. It almost looked vacant, as dust was a much more frequent occupant than he was. He was always busy with Ninja Sex Party, or with Arin at the office. In fact, he probably spent more nights sleeping on the couch at the office, or in the guest bedroom at Arin’s or Brian’s, than he did in his own bed at home. The kitchen looked especially untouched, as Dan rarely cooked. The kitchen really only got use whenever he had a friend over, and he was almost never the one actually utilizing the space.

When Dan entered the kitchen, Arin was standing in the center, by the island-counter, where a couple of items were placed, which Dan knew hadn’t been there before. A large box of chocolates, and a card that Dan barely registered, instead distracted by the third item; A small, ceramic vase, filled with flowers that looked soft and inviting.

They were a gradient of black and white, to Dan at least. Dan couldn’t see color, at least not yet. As was the case for anyone in the world that had not yet found their soulmate.

“Suzy’s been feeling shitty, so I got her these. I wasn’t sure if it was quite as, I don’t know, romantic or anything as I thought it might be. What do you think, too cheesy?” Arin looked over at his friend, smiling brightly, until he saw the look in Dan’s eyes, causing him to falter. He knew in an instant that he’d made a mistake, but it was too late to reel Dan in.

Dan stared at the flowers with a very distant expression, a faintly sad smile on his lips. He reached out to the flowers, honing in on a petal that was hanging precariously from its place. It was soft as velvet, as soft as fleeting kisses. He rubbed the petal between the rough pads of his fingers, causing it to rip and wrinkle. He let it fall to the counter top when it was just shreds, watching it settle before he spoke,

“What color are they, Ar’?” Dan asked, his voice quiet and dejected.

“Dan, I’m sorry, I—“ Arin began, starting to reach out to Dan, but he was stopped short.

“No, dude, it’s okay… I just want to know…” Dan stepped closer to the counter, and lowered his head so he could smell the flowers. As he did so, his hair fell down like a veil, and Arin could no longer see his face.

“Well… They’re red, different shades of red. Some of ‘em are closer to pink.” Arin said, slowly. As he continued to speak, he took a half-step closer to Dan, placing a hand on the back of his best friend’s shoulder. “Red is like… Angry, it’s a violent color. But it’s also a color for love. It’s a, passionate, color. It’s a very human color. Blood is red. The star on your Danny Sexbang costumes are red.”

“Red.” Dan said, as he leaned back away from the flowers, looking at the shades of gray and black before him. “I bet Suz’ will love ‘em, then.”

“Yeah, I hope she will.” Arin said, glancing back at the flowers, then back to his friend. He exhaled from his nose slowly, before hesitantly offering, “The vase is blue.”

Dan’s sad expression pulled away from the black and gray flowers, and instead settled on the glossy vase they were contained in. It was nearly white, to him, and around its thinnest point was a ribbon that was slightly darker. He brought his fingertips to touch the cool surface of the ceramic vase.

Blue had been described to Dan more times than any other color. Dan enjoyed hearing the color be described. It was his favorite color. He hoped that when the day came, it would be as beautiful of a color as he imagined it being. He felt as if he could touch something, and know it was blue just by touching it.

“Blue is calm and loose. Water is blue. Well, I mean, bodies of water are blue, water alone doesn’t really have a color. The sky is the purest blue in the world, but only during the day, when the sun is shining. Your costumes are all blue. The shirt you’re wearing right now is blue.” Arin gave Dan an encouraging smile, rubbing a circle between his friend’s shoulder blades with the heel of his hand. “Blue is your color, Dan. Happy and free.”

“But I thought blue was a sad color… Isn’t it?” Dan didn’t want his friend to see the glint in his eyes, so he kept his gaze trained on the bouquet, trying to discern the differences in tint among the individual flowers. Red was a very dark color, apparently.

“Sometimes. Some people see it as a sad color, but… Knowing you, Dan, I can’t ever see blue as a sad color. I associate it with too many happy things, because of you.” Arin smiled even wider, trying his best to redirect from the feeling Dan was slowly sinking into.

Dan smiled slightly, and sighed. “Thanks, big cat.” He turned to Arin, but looked beyond his friend’s concerned face, to the illuminated clock on the microwave. 6:32. “You should probably get going, it’s after six-thirty.”

“Oh, shit, yeah… I told Suz’ I’d take care of dinner… Are you gonna be okay, dude? Why don’t you join—“

“Nah, man, I’ll be fine.” Dan straightened himself up, and forced energy into his voice, putting on the best smile he could manage, for Arin.

Over the years they had known each other, Arin had seen this guise before. But, while he knew Dan had depressed spells like this, he would be fine. He was always fine. Dan knew when he needed to accept help, and when he just needed time alone.

“Alright, if you’re sure. If you change your mind, you can just call me, alright? If you’d rather go see Brian, I’m sure—“

“Arin, go home.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll see you tomorrow at 2 for more Dark Souls, right?” He gave Dan a reassuring pat.

Dan nodded, his hair bouncing with the movement. “Yeah, I’ll be there, don’t worry about me, honest. Get home to your sick wife, dude, you’ve been with me all day. She’s gonna start thinking we’re planning to elope.”

“Oh, if only, Dan.” Arin grinned, which made Dan grin in turn, and they gave each other a friendly hug, patting the other on the back, before Arin departed, toting along the gifts he had gotten for Suzy.

Once Dan had locked the door behind his friend, the house was once again quiet. Dan leaned back against the door, which was located in the kitchen. From his position, he could see the discarded and damaged petal still sitting on his countertop, and it caused him to sigh.

Red. The color of anger, but also of love. A color he felt he knew intimately, but at the same time felt like a stranger to. He couldn’t touch something and experience red, like he could blue. Perhaps the only reason he knew blue so well, was because he was blue. Not so much in the sense that Arin had described—happy, free, and loose—but in the sense that Arin had tried so hard to redirect from.

Sad. Blue was a sad color, and Dan knew it well.

He sunk down onto his heels, still leaning his backside against the door. He was mentally beating himself up, now. He always tried so hard not to get like this in front of Arin. Not because he was afraid of expressing his feelings, or some other hyper-masculine bullshit, but because he didn’t want his best friend to feel guilty. Arin didn’t deserve that. All he did was have Suzy, his perfect match. They had been together for more than half of Arin’s life. In fact, they had met each other at an incredibly young age, which was a marvel in itself. If anything, Dan was beating himself up for not being as happy for Arin as he should be. But, in retrospect, he was allowed to be a little bitter.

Dan was nearly 40 now. He’d read somewhere that 90% of people found their matches by now. People were often shocked when they found out Dan still could not see colors. He didn’t outright tell people he couldn’t, as he wasn’t looking for pity, and he hated when people felt sorry for him. Like he didn’t already know what he was missing out on.

There were those that went Without. Those who, even when they felt with all their being that they had found their match, would always see the world in a muted filter. At one time, Dan had felt this way about someone. About a girl. But she ended up finding her soulmate at one of his performances. That had been back when he was still with the Northern Hues, and a large part of the reason he left the band.

And then there were those that were called One-Sided; those that would find their supposed soulmate, and color would filter into the world, but their person of their affections would still see nothing but hues of gray. They would either fall in love, and remain together despite the odds, or the One-Sider would watch idly by as their supposed soulmate would see color for the first time with someone else. It was rare, but not unheard of.

It pained Dan to think about. He had been approached by fans in the past, who claimed that they saw color for the first time when they saw him. It would excite him, until he would meet them in person, and nothing would change. The world was still colorless. It had happened so many times that he wasn’t even sure if they had all been telling the truth. There wasn’t really a way to determine if one was lying or not. But, whether they had been lying or not, whether it had been a ploy to get close to their idol, or a real, genuine instance of One-Sidedness, it always broke their heart when Dan would tell them he couldn’t see anything. Knowing that he was responsible for so many instances of heartbreak made his own chest weigh so much heavier.

Dan hoped against hope that he was not Without. Seeing colors wasn’t something he had been concerned about when he was much younger, but he found that the older he became, the more significance it held to him. He even found himself wishing he was one-sided. He could bear it, as long as he could someday see the world for all the beauty it had to offer. Arin could see it, Brian could see it, and they were two of the happiest people that Dan had ever known. Ironically, they would both describe Dan the same way.

If only they knew.


	2. Sad Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ninja Brian!_  
>  _Look at that girl with the_ Sad Eyes _~~and the beautiful blonde hair,~~_  
>  _I'm immediately in love!_  
> [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvLz5kCVIss)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 2.5x longer than the last one. I'm so sorry.

She has beautiful, blue eyes. Or, so she has been told. She wouldn’t know, as she can’t tell the difference between them or the color of her lips when she looks in the mirror. Throughout her childhood, she received compliments from adults, particularly the elderly, on her unique combination of traits. Her red hair, her blue eyes, her lovely pale and fair skin. She would smile and thank them, but she never really felt right in thanking them. It felt like she was being awarded for something she didn’t compete for; She couldn’t appreciate what she was being complimented on, and it felt like she was being cheated, or cheating someone else.

They say that it’s impossible for anyone to see colors before they turn 20, but there’s been stories that say otherwise. Kids in high school would claim to be able to see colors, but, there isn’t really a way to test for such a thing. ‘Oh, you can see colors? Well, what color is that wall?’ They could say anything and as far as you knew, they would be right.

Being able to see colors wasn’t something that she bothered herself with while growing up. She had peers that seemed to care about nothing else but colors, but she never understood why. While it was a fantastical thing to imagine, it was kind of pointless to be concerned about it at such a young age. You only saw colors when you set your eyes on the person who you were meant to be with forever, and there was always the chance that it was a fluke; Some people were flawed, and they would colors for people who wouldn’t see colors for them. It was a big deal. It was a big, stressful deal.

So, she did her best to not attract attention. She kept to herself, kept her head down, avoided the possibility. She just wanted to survive the stress of school without having to worry about balancing the life of another person, to whom she was tied by the fabric of existence.

Thankfully, she made it out of high school without experiencing colors. She never met anyone during her childhood that she would have wanted to see colors for, anyway. She had friends that dated, but never saw the point in it. Why waste time and bother hurting someone by stringing them along, when you both knew that somewhere out there, your true partner was waiting for you to come find them?

So, she didn’t date. In fact, she avoided concerning herself with colors or finding her partner entirely. She just wanted to play video games, draw, and watch YouTube.

There was no way she could have expected that those hobbies would lead her to seeing colors.

She had discovered Markiplier’s videos during her senior year of high school. Admittedly, she was a little late to the party. Her sister, who was still in middle school at the time, had been watching him for much longer. Before then, she had never understood the appeal of watching someone on YouTube play a video game. She finally did when she sat down and watched Mark play a game. It wasn’t about the game, but about the person playing it. Mark became a source of joy in her life when she realized she had very little joy at all.

Living in a world of gray, depression was rampant, especially in people her age. Doctors encouraged her, and others like her, to date and mingle even if they didn’t see colors, because caging themselves in their rooms behind luminescent screens would not make it easier to ever see colors. While she knew this was true, it didn’t make her any more eager to leave the safety of her room and seek companionship.

She had niche interests, she rationalized. She wasn’t going to meet people who shared those interests at a bar, or at a club. She was better off remaining in her room.

Years passed like this.

The day she first saw colors was on a lazy Tuesday in the middle of the summer, a year after graduating from high school. She wasn’t taking any summer courses, and she was gratefully unemployed, so she remained at home with her family, enjoying the heat. Well, as much as she could. She had always been prone to sunburn, with her freckled and fair skin. As such, she much preferred sitting inside with a cool fan and loud music.

Mark had uploaded a new video. His regular intro didn’t play, instead the camera was full-screen and he was smiling as always, which made her smile. She noticed his hair was a different tint of gray now, indicating he must have dyed it again. What color, she had no idea.

“Hey guys, I’m Markiplier, and welcome to this extra-long episode of Prop Hunt. Before we get to the episode, however, I wanted to tell you guys that I was in a music video with my good friends, the Game Grumps! Dan Avidan, or Not-so-Grump to all of you Lovelies out there, is in a band that I’ve mentioned on the show before, called Ninja Sex Party, and he asked me to be in one of his music videos! So, take a minute, click this link, and go watch it!” Mark pointed around the screen and a link bounced about within the confines of the video box, tempting viewers to click it.

Normally, she wouldn’t have. To this day, she’s not sure what possessed her to click it. Perhaps it was the fact that she had never heard Mark mention this band before, despite his testimony that he often mentioned them. Maybe she wasn’t paying as close enough attention as she thought. Maybe it was the absolutely ridiculous name of the band that attracted her attention.

Or maybe it was fate.

She clicked the link, and was taken to another YouTube channel, a new tab opening, a new video beginning to play. A deep voice was speaking, as pictures of the galaxy flashed across the screen.

A grin creeped across her face. The title of the video was 6969, and with a name like Ninja Sex Party, she could only imagine how adolescent and stupid this was going to be. After making the video full-screen, she buckled herself in, ready for the ride.

“Somewhere, deep in the slow eternal dance of the heavens, drifts a planet called simply, ‘Earth.’ And, among the otherwise unremarkable population of this planet are two incredible heroes, destined to save the future from itself!”

Already, she was grinning with childish glee. What a cliché and self-serving concept, naming themselves heroes of earth and not even twenty seconds into the video. She noticed, then, that this song was ten minutes along. She almost clicked away at that, but she was already too invested.

It's strange to think how a simple click would change her life forever.

This was taking place in her bedroom. It was messy, the floor practically covered from view by discarded belongings. She was seated on her plushy bed, with her back pressed against the dull, gray wall. She was wearing shorts, which would have barely passed for boxers, and a spaghetti-strap top that left little to the imagination. It was a sweltering summer, the temperature well above 100 degrees out, and she was in her own house, so who cared about decency?

After the deep voice that had opened the video subsided, the tempo of the song picked up. It all happened so fast, that she couldn’t have been prepared, even if she had known what was about to happen.

“Hey! Ninja Brian!”

She heard the words, and saw who said them—a shaggy-headed, goggled man in a white labcoat who popped up from the bottom of the screen--but she also witnessed a ripple of reality that radiated outwards from the screen of the laptop, and it slowly bled into her surroundings.

She suddenly felt nauseated, and was so shocked by what was happening, that she slammed the laptop closed, as her head began spinning. It had taken barely a second for it all to happen.

The colors that appeared in her room made her feel like she was being throttled, assaulting her eyes to the point that it felt like she was going to go deaf. As if she had been suddenly transported into the middle of the loudest metal concert in the world. She squeezed her eyes shut and kept them shut tightly to the point that the muscles in her face cramped as she waited for the seasick feeling to subside, her hands covering her ears. Her legs were drawn up against her chest as she took deep, rapid breaths.

After a few moments, she moved her hands over her eyes, and opened them under her palms. Blackness, still. She hesitantly parted her palms in the middle, just slightly, to let a sliver of light into her vision. The outlines of her hands were hot, they were bright and the color was painful, but only for a few seconds. She kept her hands here, as her eyes adjusted to this new sensation, this concept of seeing colors. She was so preoccupied with this, that it hadn’t even occurred to her why she was seeing them at all. Her mind decided to file that away, and to worry about it later.

She pulled her hands further away from her face. The walls in her room were cold, and made her feel like she had just brushed her teeth. She didn’t know the names of these colors, but they gave her different sensations, and that was all she had to go on for the time being.

The laptop was still black, and it was jarring to look at. It had never occurred to her that black was a color itself. Her brain briefly thought that maybe the colors were glitching, and weren’t touching everything that they should have been. There were other things in the room that remained black, such as her leather jacket, and her sneakers.

Her heart was racing, but thankfully the sickness in her gut had subsided. She slowly inched off of the bed, and walked towards the bedroom door. The bathroom was just across the hall, and there was a mirror there.

She was going to look at herself for the first time.

She closed her eyes and made her way to the bathroom sink based only on muscle memory. She turned on the light and closed the door softly. Taking a deep breath and leaning on the counter for support, she finally opened her eyes. She saw for the first time why everyone had always praised her as she grew up.

When all she could see was black and white, she hated looking in the mirror. Seeing everything in monochrome made it so much easier to pick out the flaws. Her face, as well as the rest of her body, was chubby and round. Her upper lip protruded upwards like the snout of a pig, her front teeth always exposed. Her chin would disappear into the round of her neck when she turned her head in certain directions. For this, she often took to wearing scarves and bandanas to hide the parts she hated about herself.

But now she could see why she had been complimented her whole life. It wasn’t an act of obligatory kindness. There was so much beauty behind the glass. Despite the things that she still didn’t like about herself, seeing them in color made it easier to love.

The color of her lips wasn’t too dark or too faint. The dusting of freckles across her face were so much more interesting now that they had a color value to them. The striking, alarming color of her hair was shocking. It had always looked so dull before.

But even then, as she peered closer and closer into the mirror, her eyes looked the same as they always had. They remained grey. She recalled being told her whole life that they were blue, but they looked no different than they had before. Perhaps, this was what ‘blue’ looked like?

No… No, the sky was blue. Glancing out the window, she could tell what ‘blue’ was, and her eyes were definitely not blue. Perhaps it was just a mistake. Perhaps they had just been trying to be nice.

She stared long and hard into the mirror, soaking in the image of herself in full color. The walls surrounding her reminded her of the beach on the lake. Thinking of the lake reminded her of all the times that her mom and step-dad had taken her and her siblings out on the boat, how they would listen to the music their mom played over the speakers, which neither she or her sister liked all that much, but they would sing along anyway. That was just their way. Music made her sing, whether it was a good song or not, she had a tune in her heart and lyrics in her veins.

Music.

She had been listening to music when the colors happened.

She snapped her neck back toward the bathroom door so quickly that it actually popped, and she hissed through her teeth unwittingly, as her mind was now racing again, too distracted to even register the pain or sound her neck had made. She raced back to her room and threw herself onto the bed, placing her hands on the laptop.

She had seen her perfect partner. That’s why she was seeing colors now. How had she not thought about this earlier?

Was it the guy who had been singing? She couldn’t remember seeing anyone else on screen at the time. It had all happened so fast, she hadn’t had time to register it. She didn’t even remember what the guy looked like, now. However, she could still hear the words, and they played perfectly in her head, even after only hearing them once.

“Hey! Ninja Brian!”

The sound of the voice made her chest swell and tighten at the same time. It had to be him.

She had to psych herself up to open the laptop and look one more time, but she hesitated. She began to evaluate the situation.

She had heard stories from relatives about how they met their matches. They would be at a party, or a bar, or some other public place. They would be in the same vicinity as that person. Within touching distance.

She was looking at a YouTube video beyond a plastic screen, on a laptop, in her bedroom.

Her chest tightened moreso. What if this meant she was one-sided? That had to be it, right? Who on earth found their perfect match this way? YouTube celebrities had tons of fans, and she was well aware of people that would do anything in their power to snag Mark, for one. She admitted that she felt he was attractive, but he hadn’t made her see colors. Mark had addressed before that people contacted him, and approached him at conventions, claiming that he had made them see colors, but he just didn’t feel the same. Thankfully, all of that had stopped when he finally met his girlfriend, Amy, and he publicly announced that they had both seen colors together.

But what if this guy—her match--had gotten just as many offers? She couldn’t remember if he was cute or not, she hadn’t really had long enough to decide. But, even if he wasn’t, it didn’t matter, because he had brought color into her world. He was her match, and whether or not she was his was irrelevant. She was forever tied to him now.

Hot tears cascaded down her cheeks as she realized this. While seeing colors had never been a priority for her, she did like to imagine that it would be romantic when she did. That her perfect match would make eye contact with her, that they would run to each other and touch the other’s face, that it would be perfect and beautiful and they would look up at the sky together in awe.

That was never going to happen, now, it seemed.

She dabbed at the tears on her face, and breathed deeply. There was no use in crying about it. This was her destiny, apparently. Might as well embrace it.

She finally opened the laptop again. The video had automatically paused earlier, freeze framing on the face that had caused all of this.

Poofy-haired, with goggles atop his head, big brown eyes and a goofy smile, aimed slightly off-camera. She felt her heart thudding in her throat. It was undoubtedly him, because he was easily the most beautiful man she had ever seen in my life. Funny, because he wasn’t quite what she had expected her soulmate would look like. If she was being completely honest, she was expecting a female soulmate, but she wasn’t complaining. That’s what made it real, wasn’t it? That your perfect match was just that; perfect, with no complaints to be had.

She reached out and touched the screen, and a pang of pain resonated through her ribcage. She didn’t even know his name, she knew nothing about him.

She supposed she should finish watching the video.

She pressed play, and continued to watch, with her knees drawn up to her chest. She didn’t even bother with the fresh tears now rolling slowly down her cheeks.

There was an overwhelming use of the color blue. A deep, rich hue of blue that made her feel warm all throughout her body. She had always heard red be described as warm, but this was practically the opposite of red.

His voice was beautiful, it was energetic and made her want to move around, made her want to dance, even though at one point in her life she would have listed ‘dancing’ as the last thing she ever wanted to do. She didn’t even know his name and he had already turned her life on its head.

He was so bouncy, like gravity just didn’t have a grip on him. He moved elegantly through space and yet he was still awkward enough when he moved that it made her giggle and hiccup with little sobs. He was gangly and silly when he wasn’t dancing or bopping about, which was rare. It was as if he was an unrelenting source of cosmic energy that had to remain moving at all times, expelling contagious joy from the very ends of his extremities.

As the video neared its halfway point, the adventure had taken a turn, and the two heroes were seeking a girl that the hero would have to have sex with in order to save the world.

“Ninja Brian! Look at that girl, with the sad eyes and the beautiful blonde hair, I’m immediately in love!”

While it was a music video, and this was undoubtedly scripted, this turn of events struck her. What if he could already see colors? He knew what blonde hair looked like, out of all the muted colors of hair that existed in the world. He also seemed to know what his type was when it came to women. My heart sank into my stomach.

The girl in the video was elegant, thin, and pretty. She had big doe-eyes and pouty lips, with long blonde hair that cascaded over her shoulders and down her back like some breathtaking waterfall. Her waist was small enough that he could probably put both hands around her (but she realized he seemed to have abnormally large hands to begin with). The girl in the video was the polar opposite of her own body.

Soon, the video was over, and when the music had ended, she felt an emptiness grow in her chest. She immediately clicked to the next video, already seeking out his voice to fill the silent void. Apparently, the band had quite a long line of music videos and several albums already. All this time they had existed, all this time she could have seen colors before now, and yet it took her this long to finally find them.

When the next song played, she recognized the melody as belonging to a song that she had heard many times before. She knew they were not the original artist, meaning it was a cover. Take on Me, by A-ha. She leaned back against her bed and listened, with the laptop at her feet, at an angle where she could just make out the video. It wasn’t as theatrical as the last one had been, and not nearly as long, but there was still an overwhelming use of that same color as before.

She still didn’t know his name. She would probably have to look him up.

A Wikipedia article for a Leigh Daniel Avidan came up. As she read through it, she felt so strange. She felt like a stalker of some sort, but she knew that wasn’t true. However, the more she thought about it, the worse she felt.

This was her life now. This man had brought colors into her world in the most flamboyant manner, and he didn’t even know she existed. He may never know how he changed her life. How would she even tell him? What was she supposed to do?

She didn’t even know if she could tell anyone. What would people say? Would they tell her to try for it, to reach out and try to grasp at him, or to give up on it and remain one-sided for the rest of her life? The longer she read the article, the harder it was for her to imagine living her life one-sided. But, the rational side of her mind knew that it was impossible that she could ever even speak to him.

She closed her laptop, then, and laid in her bed, feeling nothing and everything all at the same time, feeling numb, as if in an emotional limbo. She laid like that for the rest of the day. It had been the day her life changed forever.

Over time, she decided that there was no point in beating herself up over things she couldn’t help. She decided that her life was forever tied to this man, to Danny, and while he may never know that, there was no reason to limit her own exposure to him. She began watching the Game Grumps, which was how Mark knew them to begin with. They were a funny channel, and she adored watching Dan and his gaming partner Arin play games. They were particularly known for their fits of rage, and she came to adore the sound of Dan’s laugh, despite the legions of people who found it grating. There was no sweeter sound to her than the sound of his voice.

She bought all of NSP’s CDs. She loved the songs that they were featured in on other artist’s albums, and even bought some of them, too. On bad days, she popped in an NSP CD and it made all of her problems go away.

The albums always started with a half-minute long introduction, with Dan speaking directly to the listener. These were her favorites, despite the fact they weren’t songs and were often cringe-worthy for their vulgarity. But, it was the closest she thought she would ever get to hearing him speak directly to her.

She learned as much as she could about him, from all that he ever talked about on the show. He spent a period of time living in France, he used to smoke pot but he quit when he realized how sad it made his mom. He owned a dog named Princess Tinkles. Small, unimportant bits of information, but they meant everything to her. It really helped hammer home that he was a real, living and breathing person.

Her life went on like this for two years, until one fateful afternoon. After a particularly long day of autumn college courses, she tuned into the show as she always did. Today’s episode didn’t start with its usual intro, instead starting with Danny, addressing the audience alone. The Game Grumps rarely got on camera, unlike Mark who was on camera in every episode, so it was always a treat to see Danny’s face.

“Hey lovelies.”

He said this, and he was wearing that same smile he always did, the one that made her chest swell and tighten at the same time, made her heart flutter like a bird. He was wearing his Danny Sexbang costume, his super hero alter-ego from Ninja Sex Party. There was always a distinct difference in personality between the two. Dan Avidan was a goofy, kind-hearted and free-flowing guy, whereas Danny Sexbang was overly charismatic to the point of obnoxiousness, and so incredibly and overtly sexual that any sane person would regard him as a pervert. She adored him anyways, whether he was in-costume or not.

“I’m just taking a second to inform you guys that me, Arin, Brian—“ when Dan mentioned his masked friend, the ninja in question appeared in the background, flipping the bird to the camera, silently and undetected by Dan, “—and Tupperware Remix Party—“ another band that Dan and Brian worked frequently with to do tours and more complicated music, “—are going on tour! These are the locations and dates—“ as Dan spoke, he gestured to the side, and a list of locations and dates began to scan across the screen.

“Tickets for all of the events are going on sale this Sunday, and they’re gonna go fast, so make sure you snag them quickly, or Brian here is going to stab a puppy.”

She started the video over immediately, and paid closer attention to the list of dates and locations. Her heart stopped momentarily when she saw that Dallas, Texas, was listed for a show two months from now.

A live Ninja Sex Party-Starbomb-Tupperware Remix Party concert. She never thought she would have this chance. The Game Grumps did live shows, and Ninja Sex Party had done tours before, but the closest they came was Austin or Houston, and it was always poorly timed and she just couldn’t make it. But now that they were doing a show in Dallas, it was guaranteed that she could go.

She tried not to get her hopes up, but was kidding herself if she believed that she was only going as a fan, and not hoping against hope that she would get the chance to speak to Dan. Her soulmate.

The following Sunday, she bought her ticket. She had woken up at 7:30 that morning and waited with baited breath as the clock ticked closer and closer to 8am, when the tickets would go on sale. As hard as she tried, she wasn't able to snag a front-row seat. She was a little surprised; he really hadn't been kidding when he said they would go fast.

It was still August, so she had a while to wait. Part of her ached, because the wait was so long, but another part of her felt like she didn't have long enough to prepare. She felt many confusing emotions about the event.

But all she could do for now was wait.


	3. The Color Of Tea

The timer beeped quietly, indicating that it was time to end the episode.

“Well, next time on Game Grumps, we’ll have gotten back to where Arin was before he died.”

“Man, no, we don’t have to… I can get back there in just a minute, we don’t have to fast-forward to it.”

“If you say so, man. It sure doesn’t look that easy, seeing as you’ve died two more times just trying to get back.”

“Well that’s because I show up and… And I suck.”

Arin leaned forward from his seat on the couch, tilting the mic stand out of his way so that he could reach the time-table notepad and scrawl the times down for Barry when he begins editing the footage later. There was about 10 episodes in this session, meaning he and Dan had been playing for about three hours.

During the session, Dan had been uncharacteristically quiet. Arin could tell, just by looking at Dan, that he was tired. He must not be sleeping well lately. Every time Arin finishes a recording session with any of the others, he finds Dan dead-asleep in the beanbag chair in the office.

He’s been like this for a little over a month now. Every time Arin tried to get Dan to talk about it, Dan wouldn’t budge, and it admittedly scared Arin. Had something happened and Dan just couldn’t move past it? Had he done something to upset his best friend? That wouldn’t really explain why Dan was acting like this towards everyone, though… And despite how he was behaving lately, he still radiated love and affection for everyone, including Arin.

So… What had him so depressed lately? Arin knew Dan had struggled with depression when he was younger, but he claimed to have a hold on all of that, especially since getting involved in Game Grumps. In fact, Arin couldn’t really remember seeing Dan depressed in all the years they’d known eachother. Dan testified the last time he had a bad bout of depression had been when he left the Northern Hues, when his last serious girlfriend left him after finding her soulmate.

Soulmates. Arin seemed to put the pieces together— Dan had been acting like this ever since he talked to Dan about the gifts he got for Suzy.

“Danny?” Arin asked gently. Dan was staring at the floor with this disconnected intensity, and Arin was afraid of spooking him.

Dan blinked, and looked up at Arin, offering a slight smile. “You never call me Danny.”

“Yeah, I know.” He returned the smile, hesitating to continue, “I’m, worried about you, man.”

Dan’s smile disappeared, and his expression returned to what it looked like most of the time these days, indifferent.

“Are you sure we should be going on tour if you’re feeling like this?” Arin reached over and placed his hand on Dan’s knee, squeezing his best friend’s leg lightly.

“Well, it’s kind of too late to cancel the tour now.” Dan said, a bit curtly. It was enough to cause Arin to pull away, which made Dan sigh.

“I’m fine, Arin. If anything, the tour will help. I think maybe I’m just in a funk because I haven’t been on stage in a while. All this work on Ladyworld with the Twerp guys, and on Under The Covers Two. I mean, I love every second of it, like, I can’t thank the stars enough for how lucky I am to be doing what I love. Just, singing in a booth, alone, and singing on stage to a crowd of thousands, screaming, is so different. Going on tour always makes me appreciate how far I’ve come. Makes it feel so much more real. It’ll give me the pick-me-up I need.”

Arin nodded slowly, though the issue that Arin knew was bugging Dan to begin with was still being avoided. He wouldn’t push, however.

“You should get home and get some sleep, dude. You look seriously tired. I can’t remember the last time I saw bags under your eyes.”

Dan’s brows rose up. Was it really that obvious he hadn’t been sleeping well? He reached up and rubbed at his eyes, until he could see flashes of light in the darkness. “Yeah, alright.”

“You know, Suzy brought some of that sleepytime tea up here yesterday, if you think it might help—“

“I’ve got some at home, I just haven’t… Just haven’t felt like bothering with it. I will tonight, though. I’m… Sorry, man. That you’re seeing me like this.” Dan said this quickly, not wanting to get too emotional and break down in front of his best friend. He was more embarrassed than anything. If Arin was concerned, surely everyone else was, too, and he didn’t like people feeling sorry for him. It really bothered him.

“Dude, it’s alright, man, you just do you, okay? Do you want the day off tomorrow?”

“No, I’m fine to work. I’ll get some sleep tonight, you’ll see, I’ll be fine.”

Dan did as he promised. When he returned home to his empty and quiet house, he made himself the hot, sleep-inducing tea, and settled into his bed. He watched The Last Unicorn, for the fourth time that week. It was only Thursday. Come Sunday, he, Arin, and Brian would be shipping off to their first concert of the tour, in Washington. After that, it would be a whirlwind of plane and bus trips across the country for the next two months.

This was going to be the biggest break of his music career. On stage, not only as Ninja Sex Party, but also as Starbomb, and alongside TWRP. Some of the venues they had booked were double, even triple, the size of venues he’d performed at in the past. Every show for the first month was already sold out, and the second half of the tour was nearly sold out as well. It was stressful to think about, but also incredibly exciting.

While he felt excited, it just didn’t seem to translate well, and this surprised even himself. It was as if his body and his emotions were not on the same wavelength anymore. He just couldn’t very well express how he was feeling, and it was scary because he hadn’t struggled in this way in over fifteen years.

He could hear the movie playing, but right now that was all the attention he was giving it. It served as familiar, grounding background noise while he battled with himself. His head dropped slightly, and he looked into the warm mug in his hands. It was a large mug that Barry had bought for him when they still roomed together. Dan complained about how small regularly sized mugs were. This mug, Dan could place both of his hands on and his fingers wouldn’t overlap.

It smelled pepperminty, and that alone made Dan a little sleepier than he had been for the last couple weeks. However, that didn’t keep a dangerous train of thought from rearing its ugly head.

What color was tea?

He knew water was colorless, was clear, like glass. So what color did it become when the tea leaves were allowed to diffuse in the hot water? What about adding sugar caused the color to lighten or darken, depending on the tea? What color was this mug, a thoughtful gift from a dear friend?

This was a rabbithole Dan didn’t need to be going down at 11 o’clock on a Thursday night. He needed to go to sleep.

Despite the gentle nagging of rationality, the train of thought continued.

As happy and as fortunate as Dan was about his place in life—Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party, Starbomb—what was the point of any of it if he was to spend his life and fortune alone?

That question stopped Dan’s thoughts in its tracks, as some failsafe part of his brain must have kicked in, because all of the thoughts stopped at once. He wasn’t thinking about anything now. His eyes drifted back to the movie on the screen of his laptop, and he was distantly surprised to find it was halfway over. He sipped his tea mindlessly, until his mug was empty, and his eyelids felt ten times heavier than they had before.

He curled up on his side, leaving his laptop open, allowing the movie to continue to play. It would turn off on its own after a while. Dan drifted to sleep, thankful for the brief peace he had found. Unfortunately, his dreams were unkind.

Sunday came quickly. Dan had done his best for the remainder of the week to try and look less hampered down, but Arin and Brian knew that Dan was still keeping something from them. He just wasn’t the same Dan he usually was. However, he was improving. After their plane landed in Washington, the excitement seemed to finally be sinking in, and Dan was becoming more and more smiley and goofy. This was especially prominent when the three men met up with the TWRP guys. Being surrounded on all sides by his musical counterparts and inspirations seemed to finally bring Dan back to 99%.

It was only during the moments where Dan was tired and exhausted from fits of giggles, from a long day of hitting the city and enjoying the sights, after the concert had ended and Dan was back in his plainclothes, that even a hint of sadness shone. Arin watched from afar with concern, because any time he tried to address the problem, Dan would spring back to his normal self, as if nothing was bothering him at all.

After a couple of days, Arin was beginning to believe that maybe this was just how it would be from now on.

Every concert was a thrill. Dan had been right when he told Arin that singing in the studio and singing on stage were so different. And not just in the technical sense, but in the spiritual sense, though Dan didn’t really consider himself a spiritual guy. Singing on stage, lyrics and chords floating over the intense, rhythmic hum of heartbeats and breathing of the crowd, the screams and hollers, the applause, the tears, there was nothing that made Dan’s dreams feel more fulfilled. Every one of these attendees were living, breathing fans. They had jobs, they had their own dreams, they had love in their hearts that pumped blood through their veins, and they each shared something in common with Dan; They loved his music, and they were passionate about him, about his dream. They made his dreams come true and, for some of them, Dan was making theirs come true, too.

Dan felt his most grateful immediately after a concert had ended. At the end of every show, he took a moment to address the crowd, and express how important it was to him that every one of his fans love unconditionally, forgive without boundaries, and follow their dreams. He often shed tears once he walked off stage, as he could still hear the cries of his fans behind him. He wished there was enough time in the world so that he could speak to every one of them individually and encourage them to do everything with kindness and to do what they were passionate about. He knew that if even one person followed his advice, that the world would be a better place for it.

It was the last day of November when the crew boarded a Virgin plane to Dallas, Texas. It was already quite late, the sky pitch black. It would be December by the time they landed, in just a few hours. In two more days, they’d be doing their first of three shows in Texas, the first being in the heart Dallas.

Dan was sitting in the aisle seat, which was necessary for him. He couldn’t stand sitting in the window seat. He’d been on enough plane rides by now that flying didn’t scare him, but it still made him nauseated, and sitting near the window only made that worse. Besides, Arin always called dibs on the window seat, enjoying having a wall to lean on and fall asleep.

This placed Brian in the center seat, reading a book before he, too, would probably sleep. Arin was already dead asleep once the plane was in the air. Normally, Dan would be as well, but for whatever reason, he was wide awake.

Too stingy to pay for the plane’s wi-fi, Dan would busy himself with the Virgin’s individual televisions. They had little games on them and movies you could watch, but nothing really interested Dan. After exhausting all of his other options, he looked at Brian and the book he was reading. Something nerdy, by the looks of the formulas and words that were too long and complicated to be legal.

Brian noticed Dan being nosy, so he set the book down, and removed his glasses in order to look at his friend. “You’ve been preoccupied lately.” He stated, plainly.

Dan sighed, chuckling a little. “Nothing ever gets past you, does it, Brian? That’s why you’re the Ninja and I’m the Sexbang.” He said this quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone else on the plane. From the looks of it, most everyone was either asleep or on their way there.

Brian hummed in agreement with Dan, then continued, “I won’t push you to talk about it, but I want you to know that we’re all concerned about you. Especially Arin. Even the Twerp guys can see it.”

Dan exhaled from his nose for a while, and rubbed his temples. He could talk to Brian about this, Brian was older than Arin, older than the Twerp guys. Brian was even older than him, and other than his own parents, Dan wasn’t close to anyone else who was older than him.

“I’ve just… Been thinking about my life, and how… You know… I’m almost forty, and I haven’t…” He didn’t want to say it out loud, as if everyone on the plane would wake up and stare at him in shock. He was tired of the shocked looks he got. He was tired of the pity.

Brian knew this, so he forced his expression to remain neutral, forced back any feelings of sympathy he had. “There’s still time, Dan. Very few people are one-sided. It’s usually a hereditary thing, anyway, and your parents were absolutely not one-sided.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dan smiled just a little as he recalled being young, listening to his mother retell the story of how she and his father had met. There had been an immense language barrier, as his father had just arrived in America. They had run into each other on the metro in New York, andt he connection was strong enough that they made it work, and bore two beautiful children together.

Brian pat Dan’s knee, “The best thing you can do is keep your head up. That sounds corny, but it’s true. You’re never going to see them if you keep looking at your shoes. If I hadn’t happened to look up that one day, I wouldn’t have met Rachel. Arin wouldn’t have met Suzy. No one would meet anyone if we all just felt sorry for ourselves and lived with our chins glued to our sternums.”

Dan nodded as he listened. He knew this, but he also knew that he was guilty of behaving that way lately. “Yeah, you’re right, Bri. I’ll keep that in mind. I’m gonna try to sleep now, alright?”

“Yeah, so am I.” Brian nodded, tucking the book into his carry-on bag for the time being.

Dan shifted so that his shorter, older companion could rest his head on Dan’s shoulder, and Dan propped his own head on Brian’s. They were used to this arrangement, and it didn’t take long for Dan to fall asleep, comforted by the presence and support of his dear friend.


	4. Take My Hand, Babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Girl, let me be your man._  
>  Take my hand, babe.  
>  _Won't you understand?_  
>  _Yes you can!_  
> [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNEs08RhGnc)

The time between the plane landing and the first Dallas concert went by too quickly for Dan to grasp. At the time, it felt normal and steady, but now here he was, standing just off of the stage, hearing the crowd chanting his name. TWRP had gotten them warmed up already, and Sung was about to introduce him.

He never got stage fright, only stage hype.

With Arin and Brian behind him, the three of them in their Starbomb costumes, they strode out onto the stage, receiving a roaring reception as the crowd seemed to ripple with people jumping out of their seats. This venue was one of the larger ones Arin had talked about some weeks ago, and now that Dan was seeing it packed, it left him speechless.

He held the microphone up to his lips, but his mouth was just agape as he tried to grasp the words he wanted to say.

“I… Holy shit, Dallas.” He then laughed, and the audience cheered loudly. “I guess it’s true what they say… Everything’s bigger—“

The audience finished the statement for him as he held the microphone outwards to them.

“Not only that… But this is a sexy fucking audience we’ve got here tonight.” He waggled his eyebrows as he strode up to center-stage, Arin and Brian on either side of him. The audience immediately at the front of the stage was going nuts, and it just excited Dan all the more.

They started with The Decision. Even though Arin didn’t have a singing part in this song, he definitely added to the theatrics of the song, as did the TWRP members. At the end, when Brian ‘tranquilized’ Danny, he made a point to do the same to Arin, and Dr Sung, sparing Meouch who got on his hands and knees and begged for mercy. The audience was having a great time, cheering and laughing at the goofy members on the stage. TWRP’s ‘unpaid interns’ came out onto the stage and helped Arin, Dan, and Sung back to their feet, playfully fanning them and offering them bottles of water.

As Dan got back to his feet, and made his way up to the mic stand at center-stage, he looked out at the audience, beaming.

It was then that he was suddenly blinded. He dropped the unopened water bottle one of the interns had handed him as his hands flew to his eyes, and it rolled off of the stage, immediately picked up by a fan who tried to offer it back to him. Dan stumbled a few steps backwards, tripping over his own cape, as well as wires on the stage, landing on his back.

The audience collectively gasped as Dan ended up on the ground again.

“Holy shit—Dan? Dan are you okay? What—“ It was Arin’s voice, his microphone was on, and it picked up his voice even though he wasn’t holding it up to his mouth. He knelt down on the stage to try to speak to Dan, handing his microphone to Brian to hold.

Dan was hyperventilating. Arin tried to pry Dan’s hands off of his face, “Dude, did someone throw something at you?” Arin was beginning to panic, since he wasn’t getting an explanation from Dan.

“Dude, stop it!” Dan suddenly said, bringing his hands back to his eyes quickly, rubbing them. “Just—just give me a second, Arin, I… I’m…”

He could hear the audience was now just a gentle hum of whispers and breathing, a few voices able to be picked out as people screamed, asking if Dan was okay. Dr Sung, the only person still speaking to the audience at the moment, did his best to assure the audience that Dan was fine, despite not knowing this for sure. He shot a glance back at Dan, tilting his mic away. “Is Dan alright?”

Brian finally knelt down, keeping his voice low, “Dan, is it—“

“Colors.” Dan whispered finally, hesitantly bringing his hands away from his face, squinting his eyes. He looked back and forth between Arin and Brian’s faces, able to see the contrast in Brian’s cold, steely eyes and Arin’s warm, chocolately ones.

Dan reached up and violently grabbed the front of both of their costumes. Yellow, pink. He looked down at himself.

“Blue.” He said, knowingly. The vibrant, glinting material of his costume was just as beautiful as he had always dreamt it would be. Even more so.

Arin’s face split into a grin, and he grabbed Dan’s shoulder as Brian grabbed the other, and they lifted Dan to his feet.

Dan felt seasick, like the world was moving underneath him. The bright lights hadn’t become any brighter, but now Dan could see the difference in their color. His own spotlight was blue, Arin’s was red, Brian’s was yellow. An orange light shone on Dr Sung, a green light on Meouch. Dan ran to Dr Sung and gripped his shoulders, “I’m seeing colors.” He whispered, which caused Dr Sung’s face to split into a grin. Even under the visor, Dan could see his friend’s eyes light up.

“Danny!” He said, unfortunately picked up by the microphone. The audience, who had been waiting silently now, was beginning to hum again, curiously.

Dan ran back to center stage, grabbing the wireless microphone there. His heart was pounding, and it felt like it had flown all the way up to his head, beating so hard that his skull was pulsing.

“Do you see them, too!?” He yelled desperately into the microphone, his eyes bugging out of his head. The audience was shocked into silence again, as most of the audience was probably confused.

“Th-the colors… Do you see them!?” He asked again, and he motioned his arm outward as he moved toward the front of the stage, jumping down into the center aisle. There were fans on either side of him, and some became excited when Dan moved down into the audience, which normally would have been fine, but not now.

Arin took his microphone back from Brian, and spoke, “Guys, this isn’t the time to try to get an autograph or a hug, this is serious!!” He said it a bit too aggressively and loudly, so he coughed, “Please be respectful, let Dan through. This is important. You all should know that.”

Dan walked down the center aisle looking around. Anyone who was close would be able to see the wet streaks running down his cheeks. Whether he was crying, or his eyes were watering from the overstimulation, no one could be sure, not even Dan himself.

“Please, I know someone else can see them.” He said, softly into the microphone. “And don’t play games with me!” He was scared that someone, just any random person, would run up, claiming it was them, and that they would just be lying. But how would he know?

Every second that passed with no response felt like an eternity. It felt like he waited for ages, when in reality it had only been a few minutes, before a sound broke the silence.

“Dan!” came Arin’s voice, causing Dan to whip around and look back at the stage.

Arin was pointing toward the west side of the venue, up in the balcony, where there was someone waving their hands over their head. Other members of the audience were trying to get Arin’s or Dan’s attention, and draw it that way.

They were so far away from where Dan was, he couldn’t know for sure, he couldn’t see anything.

He began to run.

Someone in the engineering booth was following him with a spotlight. Fans jumped out of the way, or pointed the direction Dan needed to go in order to get up to the balcony. No one tried to stop him, no one reached out and tried to grab him. People were cheering as Dan ran up the steps to the balcony seats.

Arin and Brian were standing at the edge of the stage, now, silent as they watched Dan run. Arin was tightly squeezing Brian’s bicep, but Brian said nothing. His fists were tight to the point of being white-knuckled at his sides.

When Dan reached the top of the flight, finally reaching the balcony, he was out of breath, and his rough panting could be picked up by the microphone he was still holding in his hands. There were disembodied lights among the crowd, now. People had pulled out their cellphones and were recording this once-in-a-lifetime, priceless moment.

There were several people gathered around at the mouth of an aisle, crowding around someone who was on their knees, and Dan could hear them, or at least someone, was crying. Despite being winded, he sprinted forward, placing his hands on people’s shoulders, glancing at faces, pulling them away while simultaneously apologizing for the abruptness.

He finally cleared away the people, and he set his eyes on her for the first time.

She was on her knees, trembling, her hands covering her face as tears streamed down her cheeks. But why was she crying like this? Dan blindly handed his microphone to someone so he could crouch down.

“Can you guys give us some space, please? Jesus—“ Dan’s voice was a little tight, he was choked up, seeing her like this.

“Hey, hey, hey…” He whispered, settling onto his knees. Light flooded over them as the engineers managed to fix a spotlight over them, and Dan got his good first look at her.

She was wearing a leather jacket that was completely decked in patches, buttons, and spikes. The first button that really caught his attention was a Starbomb pin on the left side of her chest. She was wearing an NSP t-shirt underneath, and ragged jeans that were ripped at the knees just like so many of his own pairs. She had red hair, and it was one of the most intense colors he’d seen yet, reminding him briefly of Dr Sung’s helmet. She was looking up at him through a veil of it, which he reached forward and brushed away, so that he could see her face, bringing one of his hands up to her wrist to pull her hands away from her face.

She seemed adamant about keeping at least one hand over her mouth, so he wasn’t going to force her any further than that. He was able to see her eyes clearly now. They were just as steely and striking as Brian’s, but something about them was different as he looked into them.

He knew.

His own eyes stung as fresh tears poured forth from his eyes. He was still wide-eyed and shocked as he looked at her.

He brought one of his hands up and ran it through her hair, letting his hand still on the side of her head. She was beginning to calm down, only softly hiccupping now. Her wide eyes were fixed on his, she looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Hi.” He whispered, softly, then swallowed thickly when he realized his voice had cracked. “My n… Well… I guess that’s kind of pointless, huh?” He cleared his throat, then. “You… You didn’t say anything right away… You’ve known for a long time, haven’t you?” The gears in his head were turning as he spoke aloud. She hadn’t called out right away, hadn’t made a scene. She’d seen him before, on Game Grumps, or the NSP channel, or Instagram, Twitter, there were so many ways she could have seen him before now. She’d seen colors for who knows how long, and he was only now seeing them, only now seeing her, for the first time.

She slowly nodded, and she cleared her throat, squeezing her eyes shut as a croaky little laugh escaped her.

“Y-yeah… About… Two years.” She was smiling, but still covering her mouth. “I… I didn’t think I would… I resigned to being one-sided, that’s why I didn’t even try to contact you. I never thought… I never thought this would happen. I never thought you would… See me.” She lowered her head to rub at her eyes.

Dan leaned forward and wrapped his arms underneath her shoulders, causing her to squeak with surprise, throwing her arms around his neck for leverage as he hoisted her upright to her feet. She was quite a bit shorter than him, about seven or eight inches.

There was silence around them.

Dan looked around to see where he had lost his microphone, which was promptly handed back to him. He looked back to the woman who was still quite close to him, and she was once again looking up at him with big, glittering eyes, still covering her mouth with one of her hands. However, he could tell by the way her eyes were turned up in the corners that she was smiling now. It made him smile, too.

He brought the microphone up to his lips, clearing his throat softly, “Well, uh, are you gonna tell me your name?” His voice cracked as he said this, and he sniffed harshly, laughing at himself.

“I WANNA KNOW, TOO!” Came Arin’s voice from down on the stage, his voice shrill and excited.

She laughed softly, followed by a small hiccup of a sob, all muffled by the cup of her hand. She had to compose herself for a moment before taking the microphone from Dan, in both of her hands, finally exposing her cute, rabbit-esque smile to Dan, whose expression softened at the sight of her.

“M-my name’s Jude.” She said, into the microphone, and the audience erupted into cheers.

Dan embraced her, though it wasn’t the most comfortable hug in the world due to the decorated nature of her jacket, as well as his own costume.

With the closeness of the embrace, Dan’s nose was near her ear. “Like the Beatles’ song?” He inquired, quietly, so quietly that only she could hear, and it made her cheeks redden, her skin prickling. She nodded, turning her head inwards to feel the skin of his neck, to take in the smell of his curls.

“Exactly.” She whispered in return.

“Come down to the stage with me. Please?” He asked softly, somewhat aware of the flashes of lights around them, certain that people were taking pictures and rapidly tweeting about this event already.

“Danny, I will go anywhere as long as it’s with you.” She hiccupped, her temporary resolve breaking as she spoke, and she dissolved into soft little sobs all over again, hugging tighter around Dan’s neck.

Hearing her cry just broke his heart in all the right ways. He cradled the back of her head lovingly, feeling the short peach-fuzz texture on the back of her neck due to the close-shave of her haircut. “Oh, babygirl, please don’t cry, there’s no need to cry ever again… I’ve got you, now.” He whispered soothingly to her, and even went as far as to press a kiss to her temple, which spawned a few more rapid-fire flashes of light as people took pictures.

He relinquished her, then, and sought out her hand, taking it in his and eagerly leading her away from the prying eyes of the audience. The audience began to cheer as Dan descended the steps from the balcony, hand-in-hand with the mystery girl.

Arin, Brian, and the whole TWRP crew were bouncing like excited children on the stage as Dan returned, running up the steps with the short redhead in tow. She nearly tripped up the stairs, but Dan was diligent and caught her before she could fall and get hurt.

Arin threw his arms around her and hugged her, lifting her off of the ground as he did so. Brian came in and gave her a hug as well, and soon the TWRP crew had done so as well, even bringing Havve out from behind his drumset to get in on the congratulations.

The audience was chanting, now, and Dan looked out to the audience, trying to hear what they wanted.

When he realized what they were asking for, his mouth split into a huge grin. He grabbed Dr Sung’s shoulder, “Let’s play The Hit now.”

Everyone else immediately jumped back to their places, which left Jude standing, awkwardly, at center stage. She felt hot and sweaty, under all these spotlights, and in her black leather jacket.

She had a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses around her neck. Dan pointed to them, then her eyes, and winked at her. She smiled shyly as she put the sunglasses on, and she heard the band begin to play the opening notes to The Hit.

The audience was losing its collective mind as Dan sang the song to his newfound soulmate, boldly asking her to let him be her man, to take his hand, which she did, laughing excitedly all the while.

It ended all too soon when she was playfully torn away by Arin, who picked her up like a bride and absconded with her backstage, leaving Dan to finish singing the song with the rest of the band. Arin didn’t have a part in this song, so he took the opportunity to bring Jude backstage.

“Hey, are you okay? How are you doing?” Arin asked as he set her down on her feet. While carrying her, he could feel her shaking and trembling.

“Y-y-yeah, I’m okay, I-I’m just…” Her voice wavered, and she sniffled a little, removing her sunglasses once more, and shedding the leather jacket due to the heat. She felt like she might faint. “Y-you didn’t hear b-but…” She swallowed, and took a few moments to compose herself, focusing on hearing Dan’s lyrics out on stage.

She exhaled deeply through her nostrils. “I… I’ve been able to see colors for a while now. It happened when I saw the 6969 video.” She smiled sheepishly at Arin, who was beaming back at her. His own eyes were damp. He was so happy for his friend.

“You have no idea--Or, well, maybe you do, but--Dan’s been so depressed lately, about this, about not having his soulmate.” He lowered his voice, as if it were necessary to keep Dan from overhearing them while out on stage belting out a song. “I’m so happy that this has happened. I’m so happy you’re here, that he saw you…”

“He so easily could have overlooked me.” She sniffled, then. Her eyes stung, but no more tears came, so she rubbed at her eyes, her makeup ruined.

“No, no, no, don’t think like that, it doesn’t matter now, what’s important is that he did see you. My god, Jude, I’ve never seen him look at anything like he was looking at you out there.”

 

She looked up at Arin, sniffling softly with a bright smile. “I must look terrible, now, though…”

“It’s not that bad.” He was a bad liar, but he had a sympathetic smile. “Actually, if you want, uh—“ Arin waved down one of the ‘unpaid interns,’ “Jared, take Jude back to our dressing room, have someone clean her up and take care of her until the show’s over, alright?”

Arin looked back to Jude as the intern, apparently named Jared, came over, “I gotta get back out there, but we’ll see you when the show is over, okay? We’re not going anywhere without you, so don’t feel like we’re just pushing you out of the way.”

“Y-yeah, I understand… Thank you, Arin.” She said, softly. She hugged around his neck briefly, pressing a kiss to his cheek, which was bristly, and she could feel him smile wide. He nodded to her before making his way back out on stage.

Jude watched him go, before she was led further backstage by the intern, Jared.


	5. Won't You Understand?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Girl, let me be your man._  
>  _Take my hand, babe._  
>  Won't you understand?  
>  _Yes you can!_  
> [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNEs08RhGnc)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so blessed with all the love this little fic has been receiving. As long as you want it, I'll keep giving you darlings what you want. Thank you so much for enjoying this stupidly self-indulgent little fic.

Jared, the intern, couldn’t stay with her, since he needed to be available to go on stage if he was called, so she was left alone in the long, rectangular room. There was a long mirror with chairs in front, a few bags placed either in the seats or on the counter in front of them.

She walked down the room, glancing at the bags curiously but not daring to rummage through them. She stopped in front of a large, dark dufflebag that bore a tag with Dan’s name on it. She brought an empty chair to the mirror beside Dan’s designated spot, and she draped her jacket over the back of it before looking at herself in the mirror.

She looked horrible, her makeup running in dark streaks down her face. Luckily, she’d prepared for this. Her first NSP concert, she knew she was bound to cry at some point. She just hadn’t anticipated the circumstances being anything like this.

She dabbed at her eyes with makeup-remover wipes she had tucked away inside her jacket. God bless hidden pockets. Once her face was clear, she looked at herself again, and decided that she wasn’t yet ready to face Dan with a naked face, and went about re-applying her makeup.

From here, she could still easily hear the performance out on stage. They were singing a Starbomb song, now, as she could hear the difference between Dan and Arin’s voices, but she couldn’t place a finger on which song it was specifically.

By the time she finished reapplying her makeup, the song had changed. She checked her phone for the time to find that the concert still had another half hour to go, and she sighed. Now that she had gotten a taste of Dan’s presence, she couldn’t bear the separation.

She decided to check twitter. She hadn’t been oblivious to those around her and Dan that had their cameras ready, taking videos and pictures.

As she expected, there were clips and photos on twitter already. Suzy had already retweeted one, captioning it with “OH MY GOD DANNY I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!” She had chosen the absolute best picture, that had clearly been taken with a nice camera. Jude and Dan were gaze-locked and the spotlight had perfectly shone on the wet streaks on their faces. How did someone manage that? She may never know.

Arin hadn’t been kidding. Jude had never seen that kind of expression on Dan’s face before, or anyone’s face for that matter. If she were to look up ‘lovestruck’ in the dictionary, that picture would be directly underneath it. She couldn’t believe that she, of all the people in the world, had been responsible for that look on his face. Her throat tightened up; she couldn’t look at it any longer, or she might start to cry again, and she knew that she couldn’t possibly produce any more tears.

Time was passing too slowly. Jude could still hear every transition through the walls, each new song that was played. She wondered if Dan was as excited to see her again and she was to see him. She wondered if he was nervous at all, if he got butterflies in his stomach the same way that she did whenever she set her eyes on him.

Was it going to be weird, since she was a fan? Was she going to come off as creepy for knowing as much about him as she did? Would he understand that for the last two years, that it was all she had to hold onto?

She lost track of the time she spent lost in these thoughts, because she was startled by the sound of the door opening at the far end of the dressing room. She was still sitting in her chair by the mirror, her legs drawn up against her chest as she waited and watched, silently.

Dr Sung was the first to enter and as soon as he was inside the room he removed his helmet, exposing his sweat-covered head and face, short hair plastered to his own forehead with sweat. He was followed by the rest of the TWRP crew, who closed the door behind them. It took a moment for any of them to notice her in the room.

Meouch, who had the least encumbering costume, came over to sit beside her, keeping his mask on just for the fun of it. “Jude, right?” He offered a hand to her as he slumped unceremoniously in the chair beside her.

She nodded, grinning as she shook hands with the bass-player. Meouch leaned in towards her ear, whispering, “Dan, Arin, and Brian went to go sign stuff, they’ll be back here soon.”

She nodded, “I figured that was the case.” She suddenly felt a bit shy and awkward, unsure how to make conversation with people that she had looked up to for so long. “H-how was the show?” She then began to bubble with laughter, “I-I wouldn’t know, I kinda missed the whole thing!”

“Oh, man, you sure did!” Dr Sung chimed in, then, “That’s… That’s kinda shitty, I bet they wouldn’t mind refunding your ticket up at the box office.” He began to laugh as well.

Jude shook her head, “I don’t care about the money that much, this was absolutely worth it.” She grinned. “Spent two years dreaming of this moment, never thinking it would actually happen.”

“Holy shit, two years?” Meouch said, leaning back in his chair with widened eyes. “Damn.”

“Did you—“ Dr Sung gestured his arms about, trying to speak as quickly as his brain could keep up with, gears turning as he did so. “I mean, before now, did you try to reach out? If Dan hadn’t seen you out in the balcony—and damn, it’s amazing that he did—were you going to try to make it to the signing, at least? He couldn’t have missed you, then.”

Jude exhaled deeply through her nostrils before slowly shaking her head, “I figured… I figured that Dan had already… That I was going to be one-sided. My mom is one-sided, my father is without.” She smiled sadly. “I… As much as I wanted to know… I was more afraid of being wrong.”

Both Meouch and Sung nodded solemnly, the room becoming too quiet for comfort.

“So, what was it?” Meouch finally offered, looking back over at Jude. “I mean, what was it that made you know? A music video?”

Jude nodded, her face splitting into a sheepish grin, “It was 6969.”

All of them laughed, even Phobos and Havve who were chilling out on the couch on the opposite side of the room from the mirror. Havve was laying across the couch as if he were dead, but his shoulders jostled when he chuckled.

The unpaid intern Jared, as well as the other intern, a girl, came into the room with a cooler, and handed out waters to everyone. Jude graciously took the offered water, knowing that it would ease the stinging in her strained eyes. On top of the cooler was a cardboard box that was filled with… Several things that Jude couldn’t quite pick out from here, but noticed one large bouquet of flowers in the box. A fan must have brought those for one of the guys. Probably Dan, if she was wagering.

She knew she couldn’t be jealous. She knew she wasn’t the only person in the world who adored Dan, even if it was a different feeling than what she had. You could love someone with all of your being, and not necessarily be tied to them by destiny.

Speak of the devil, she could hear his bouncing laughter carrying from outside the ajar door. She straightened up slightly in her seat, and heard Meouch chuckle beside her, amused by her eagerness.

Dan entered the room, looking spent, but the grin on his face was unwavering, from ear-to-ear. He immediately set his eyes on Jude again, and it had previously seemed impossible, but he somehow lit up even more. He tugged the blue sweatband off of his head, freeing his curls as he bounded his way across the room to her.

Meouch made sure to get out of the way so he wasn’t caught in the fray when bodies collided.

Jude had jumped from her seat, and eagerly accepted the embrace that Dan had waiting for her. She had no more tears to cry, thankfully, so all that she felt in that moment was pure joy. She stood on the very toes of her sneakers, trying to meet Dan’s height as he squeezed around her middle tightly, no longer separated by the spiky layer of her jacket.

He smelled terrible after being under the spotlight and practically singing his lungs to the point of collapsing, but she didn’t say a thing about it, clinging to him regardless.

He was still laughing, tight and fluttering like a butterfly caught in a jar. He was so excited as he embraced her, indecisive as to where to put his hands, shifting them around her back a few times before pulling away, and placing them instead on the sides of her face. He was wide eyed, his expression once again awe-struck as he looked into her eyes.

Her brows were as high as they could go, and she blinked rapidly as she maintained eye contact with him, her smile wide. When she realized this, however, she brought her hands up to shyly cover her mouth.

This caught Dan’s attention, and he brought his hands to wrap around her wrists, pulling them away slightly but not so firmly as to startle her, “You don’t like your smile?” He asked softly.

She shook her head a little in agreement, but her smile didn’t fade. “I look like a… Some sort of gross rodent.”

Dan was about to respond when Jude placed one of her fingers to his lips. “There’s plenty of time to argue about things later.”

They both laughed softly. Arin interrupted them, then, placing a hand on Dan’s back and Jude’s shoulder. “Jude, could you step out for juuust a second? We’re all gonna change, then we were gonna head out to dinner. Obviously you’re joining us—unless of course you had somewhere to be.”

Jude tore her eyes away from Dan’s to look at Arin, and she shook her head fervently, “Even if I did, they would be out the window now,” Dan couldn’t look away from her, just observing her now, trying to commit the tiny details of her face to his memory.

She had a button nose, and a mole underneath her left eyebrow, his right. She was absolutely smattered with freckles of varying shades. She was wearing blue eyeshadow, and the dark lines around her eyes would have made even Suzy turn green with envy. At least, in his opinion.

“I’ll let you guys do your thing.” She said, looking back up at Dan for a second, shyly, before bringing her eyes down to the bright star on his chest.

God, she made his heart behave wildly. He brought his hands back up to the sides of her face, bringing her attention back to his eyes. He cleared his throat just a little, “I’m sorry, I—we’ll have lots of time to talk once we’re outta here, Princess, I promise.”

He leaned in to kiss her, eyes closed.

Jude panicked.

She tilted her head down slightly, and Dan’s lips collided with her cheekbone instead of her lips, succeeding in jabbing her in the eye with his nose. She squeaked with surprise before beginning to laugh, and Dan joined her. “Oh shit! I’m sorry, I was trying—“

“I-I know, Danny, I uhm…” She couldn’t look him in the eyes, her cheeks turning red with embarrassment. She placed one of her hands on the bright star on his chest, and he could feel the heat of her touch radiate though him, settling in his extremities.

“I’ve never… Kissed someone before.” She cleared her throat softly, “I’ve been… waiting.”

“Oh.” Dan’s brows shot up, surprised. She was saving her first kiss for her soulmate. For him. She hadn’t even been planning for this to happen, she hadn’t been planning to contact him. She had made peace with the fact that she would never, ever meet him, and never know what it was like to have a soulmate. To never know what it felt to kiss someone. And now, she was suddenly faced with that possibility… He couldn’t even begin to understand how she was feeling.

“I… I understand, babygirl. I mean, I…” He shook his head, realizing he was rambling, and it made his curls bounce about, and he heard her giggle under her breath. It made his knees weak.

“We’ll, uh, hold onto that for when I don’t smell worse than Arin.” He said quietly to Jude, who covered her mouth again, only to hide the amused grin on her face.

“Hey, now, don’t even flatter yourself, there, Daniel.” Arin butted in, apparently having heard Dan anyway, causing the three of you to laugh.

Jude finally had to pull herself away from Danny and excuse herself from the dressing room, allowing them all to change and clean themselves up.

Dan fell into his chair after hoisting his dufflebag up onto the counter in front of him, his eyes meeting his own in the mirror for the first time. Shit, how had he not seen himself earlier? He bolted up a little suddenly, surprising Arin who was now standing beside him.

Dan leaned as close to the mirror as he possible could, inspecting his reflection. His dark brown eyes and dark curls felt so dull compared to the brightly colored flower that he had been blessed with, who was milling about in the next room over.

“Dude,” Arin spoke as he was tugging on a new shirt, “I am so fucking happy for you, man.” He was beaming. He began combing his now messy and stringy hair back into a tight ponytail. He wouldn’t have the chance to shower until later tonight when they got back to the hotel.

Dan smiled at his friend through the reflection in the mirror. “Honestly, man, I don’t think I’ve ever been so fucking happy. I feel like this isn’t real, like I’m dreaming or—“ Dan suddenly yelped out loud as Arin smacked him, full force, on the ass.

“SHIT, Arin! That is absolutely gonna leave a bruise.” Dan winced, unable to help the grin that was fighting for dominance as he rubbed at his ass, hissing through his teeth.

Arin snorted, “Good! That way Jude’ll know who that butt belongs to.”

Dan scoffed, snorting in kind as he shook his head. He went about changing out of his costume, then. He winced at himself, “Christ, Arin, I’m pretty sure I smell worse than anything you’ve ever done.”

Arin took a comically deep inhale of the air between them, and sighed as if he had just smelled a beautiful-smelling flower. “I beg to differ, Dan, but if you’re that worried about it, here. Give yourself a sponge-bath or whatever.” Arin dug into his duffle bag and offered Dan an unopened package of perfumed-wet wipes. They smelled like hand sanitizer but at this point, Dan wasn’t going to complain.

Once Dan was confident that he no longer smelled like he crawled out of a dumpster’s asshole, he went about dressing himself in what he had been wearing before the concert—His Stegosaurus shirt (“Holy shit, that’s an intense color!” “That’s green. Weed is also that color.” “Uh-huh. Thanks, Ar’.”), and his ripped-up black jeans.

Meouch approached Dan from behind, who saw him coming in the mirror. “Hm?” Dan inquired as he turned around, a brow raised in confusion when he saw the bouquet of flowers in his friend’s hands. He bat his eyes bashfully, placing his hands over his chest, “Oh, Meouch, I had no idea~” He teased, and caused his friend to laugh.

“No, man, these aren’t for you, they’re for her.” He offered the flowers to Dan, who took them carefully. “We told the interns to run and get those, so you could give ‘em to her.”

Dan’s heart pound hard in his chest, but it was different than it had felt the rest of this evening.

God, he was so fucking blessed. His friends were fucking amazing.

He threw his arms around Meouch’s neck and hugged his friend who was thankfully unmasked at the moment, sparing Dan any injury from the prop. Dan then made a point to hug everyone else in the room, ending with giving Arin and Brian a simultaneous hug.

Brian could feel a wet spot growing on the shoulder of his shirt, where Dan’s forehead was propped. He hadn’t ever seen Dan cry like this. He soothingly stroked circles into his friend’s shoulder.

“Oh my god, do people usually get this emotional after the colors happen?” Dan croaked, and pulled away, forcing himself to look composed, willing himself to stop crying. He was pretty embarrassed, after spending all these years trying hard to not cry in front of his friends, to not give them any indication of how fucking depressed he had been.

Brian and Arin looked at eachother briefly, nodding at eachother and offering Dan non-committal shrugs.

“It’s different for everyone.” Brian finally offered.

“Yeah, I guess it would be.” Dan said, softly, clearing his throat once more as he looked at the flowers in his hands.

“Those are red.” Arin said, placing his hand on Dan’s shoulder, “Just like the ones I gave Suzy, remember?”

“How could I forget?” Dan’s voice was a little croaky, but he didn’t cry. He brought the flowers up to his nose and inhaled them deeply, able to vividly remember that afternoon in his kitchen with Arin.

“Well, you don’t want to keep her waiting anymore. Also, I’m starving, and you won’t like me when I’m hungry. Hangry, whatever.” Arin snorted, causing Dan to laugh lightly as well.

“Yeah, let’s get goin’.” Dan hefted his dufflebag onto his shoulder, and made his way towards the dressing room door.


	6. Other Girls Were Never Quite Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I have never known_  
>  _the like of this,_  
>  _I've been alone_  
>  _and I have missed things_  
>  _and kept out of sight._  
>  But other girls were never quite like this.  
> [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GthspGw9F_A)

The group of them headed to dinner. The Twerp guys, their interns, Brent and Vernon finally joined them from wherever they had been during the concert, doing important things or whatever, Brian, Arin, and the lovebirds, which Arin had dubbed them.

Jude sat in the backseat of the rental car between Brian and Dan. Dan occupied one of her hands with both of his, causing her to giggle as he played with her fingers, tickling her palm and her wrists just to hear her fluttering laughter. Everything about her made him think of sunshine and the song of birds, memories of his childhood home playing in the backyard. It was strange how memories that had always been black-and-white were now so vividly colored.

“What do you do?” Brian inquired. It was something Dan had been thinking to ask, but if he was honest, he thought about way too many things around Jude, and somehow when she would make eye contact with him, his brain would be filled with nothing but the chirping of crickets.

“Uh, y-yeah, I was gonna ask that.” Dan offered, quietly, earning another soft laugh from Jude that made his sheepish smile widen.

“I’m, uh, in college. Or, well, the semester just ended. In the spring I’ll graduate with my bachelor’s.” She shot Brian a look immediately, “If you quip about your damn PhD I will tuck and roll out of this car.”

“Brian, please don’t.” Dan immediately jumped in, laughing.

Brian crossed his arms, a devious smile on his lips, “Well, I kinda wanna see her do it.”

“Dude, we are on the highway, in Dallas Texas, she’ll die and I’ll never forgive you.” Dan was still laughing as he snaked an arm between Jude’s back and the seat, causing her to squeak with surprise before leaning into his embrace.

Dan closed his eyes as he buried his nose into the hair atop her head, which was so soft. He kissed the top of her head, and drew a sigh from her lips as she leaned her head on the front of his shoulder.

“So, if you’re just graduating college… Uh…” A thought occurred to Dan, and his brows shot up suddenly. The trepidation in his voice had caught Jude’s attention, causing her to pull away and avoid eye-contact.

Dan glanced at Brian, who raised a brow back at Dan. “There’s a considerable difference in age between Rachel and I, it’s not a big deal, Daniel.”

“I… Yeah, you’re right, it doesn’t really matter, but… I’d still like to _know_.” Dan leaned his head forward slightly, trying to catch Jude’s attention again.

“I’m uh, 23. You’re 16 years older than me.” She cleared her throat lightly.

Holy shit.

“Well, uh, the point still stands.” Brian offered, admittedly surprised.

Jude gave Dan an apologetic look, and when she did, all of the tenseness in Dan’s body melted away immediately. It really didn’t matter how much older he was than her, it wasn’t like she was underage, and he wasn’t going to entertain that train of thought any further than that.

He brought a hand up to her cheek, stroking her cheekbone with his thumb and causing her to smile. It was short-lived, however, as she hunched her shoulders to hide herself in the popped-collar of her leather jacket.

“Babygirl, nooo.” Dan whined, laughing despite himself. “Your smile is so fucking cute, you don’t need to hide it… At least, not from _me_.”

In the passing streetlights, he could see the redness in her face when she folded back her collar. “Alright, Danny.”

Hearing her say his name was the sweetest sound to ever grace his ears.

The rest of the drive was silent, as everyone was tired and hungry.

They finally arrived at a nice Italian place that was apparently near the hotel they were staying. Jude insisted she could pay for herself but Dan wouldn’t hear it.

After they had all ordered, and it was just a matter of being served, Arin stretched his arms overhead and sighed, leaning back slightly in his seat. “So, what now, Dan?”

Dan looked up from the table, which he had been staring at in a sleep-deprived state. Jude was sitting beside him, tapping away on her phone. “What are you getting at, Arin?”

Arin gestured obviously to Jude, whose attention was brought to the present by the action. “Hmm?” She inquired quietly.

“Oh, uh.” Dan’s face turned red. He hadn’t really thought about anything, future-wise, a little too distracted by the present at the moment. He looked at Jude, and didn’t even try to fight the smile the broke across his face as she met his eyes. “Do you, wanna move to California with me?”

Her brows shot up, and she placed her phone in her lap. “I-I mean, yeah, absolutely, I… This is just all happening so quickly.” She laughed a little to herself, feeling the eyes of everyone else at the table on her.

Dan took her unoccupied hands in his, “I mean, only if that’s what you want, princess. I mean…” He sighed heavily, and took a deep inhale of breath.

“I have been waiting, looking for you, my whole _goddamn_ _life_ , babygirl, and now that I’ve finally found you, I don’t want to spend another moment away from you. I know you know how it feels, to lay awake all night long, wondering if that person even existed, if that the day you found them they would feel the same way. Fuck, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight, knowing that you do exist, and that you do feel the same way, but you’re not gonna be there beside me.“ He squeezed her hands between both of his, and saw her previously awestruck gaze suddenly turn downward, a sheepish smile on her lips.

“I-it’s, uh, it’s not like I have a curfew or something, Danny… I don’t have classes or a job to wake up early for.” She said this very quietly, leaning closer so only Danny would hear.

The red blooming across his face gave them away, though, as the rest of the table whistled lasciviously at the two of them. “Oh, shut up!” Dan grinned with his own embarrassment.

The conversation didn’t have a chance to continue as their meals were brought to the table, and everyone groaned like pornstars at the mere smell of the delicious, authentic food.

Jude popped the collar of her coat once again before eating, but it was a few minutes before Dan noticed, and he attempted to roll it back again.

“Danny~” She whined in protest, the word muffled by her full mouth. She shook her head, then, and swallowed her food before popping the collar once more, defiantly.

“We’re gonna have to agree to disagree on this, Danny. Obviously, I’ve got an overbite.” She gestured to her face, sighing in a defeated manner. “It’s an abnormally large overbite. Like, orthodontists-won’t-touch-me abnormal. It’s hard for me to eat with my mouth closed, and it’s embarrassing.” She said all of this softly so only Danny would hear.

“It’s especially embarrassing to think you’re watching me while I eat.” She laughed a little, but it was a tight and nervous laugh. “I… I have always hated my mouth. I think it’s the worst thing about me, being fat aside.”

Dan straightened up, his face looking almost convincingly offended, “You’re not—“

“Don’t even lie to me, Daniel, I am fat.” She said, pointedly. “I’m fat, you can still think I’m beautiful regardless.” She winked at him, before resuming eating.

She had a point. He couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t a big girl, because she was. While he was pretty used to model-esque ladies, he wasn’t averse to bigger girls by any means. Fate had just always placed him in the hands of thin, leggy things.

And she had really nice legs, herself, if he was being honest.

“… Well… You are beautiful.” He said, quietly, and he could see the redness tinge her face. “And I think your smile is cute anyway, but I get why it bugs you, I won’t pester you about it anymore, babygirl.”

He kissed her temple before resuming his meal. He glanced over at Arin and Brian across the table, who were smiling fondly at the two of them.

“Fuck, I miss Suzy.” Arin whined out loud.

Once everyone had become miserably over-stuffed with food, they all made their way to the hotel. Brent, who was driving, was happy that he wouldn’t have to drive Jude home.

Brian and Dan had been sharing a hotel room. Between the eleven of them, they were split into pairs in six rooms, the only single being Brent. No one argued about the rearrangement, everyone was more than happy to give Dan and Jude privacy.

“Just, uh, you know, don’t be so loud.” Arin said, offhandedly to Dan and Jude both, causing her to flush immensely and him to become indignant.

“ _Arin_!”

Arin just dove into his own room, which he was now sharing with Vernon, and his cackling could still be heard behind the closed door.

Dan was embarrassed, but he managed to catch Jude’s eye and give her an encouraging smile. “I, uh, wouldn’t… Expect you to want to…”

She interrupted him by grasping his hand, “Just lead the way, Danny, I feel like I’m gonna fall asleep on my feet.” She punctuated her statement with a yawn, leaning her forehead against the face of his shoulder, and uttering a sound that Dan could only equate to a purr.

He led her a few doors down, to his own room. After sliding the keycard through its designated slot and opening the door, he had to usher her inside due to the sluggishness of her feet.

The room had obviously been cleaned, and Arin had retrieved his things from the room, but it was easy to tell which bed was Dan’s as his things were piled next to it. Jude sat down at the end of the bed as she toed-off her shoes.

Dan had taken the flowers back from her so that he could place them in a glass of water. They’d need to be placed in a vase eventually, but there wasn’t anything else he could do about it.

Jude shed her Jacket and tossed it onto the other bed, followed by her socks. “Danny~?”

Dan had been in the kitchenette, so he leaned in the doorway when he heard his name called. “Mmm?” Was all he could respond with in his tired state.

“I, uh, can’t sleep in my jeans and… stuff.” She said this shyly. “So… Are you gonna be able to control yourself?” She giggled, teasingly. She was tired, and it made everything funny.

It made him laugh a little too, but he couldn’t hide the light heat building in his face. “What do you take me for, princess? I know how to keep my hands to myself.”

“Well, I mean, you don’t have to… Keep them completely to yourself…” She said this between yawns as he watched her wiggle out of the dark, ripped jeans that clung to her wide hips. They fell to the ground and she kicked them off towards the other bed and Dan couldn’t look away from her damn legs.

She was covered in freckles. She had legs that would have made some of his friends jealous, and he knew girls that were pornstars. Why he knew them was irrelevant.

She didn’t seem to notice he was watching, or if she did she didn’t say anything. She went about doing that magical thing that Dan couldn’t understand, removing her bra without taking her shirt off. It was discarded on the second bed as well as everything else, and she didn’t hesitate to curl up under the covers of his hotel bed.

The shower was calling to him, but he didn’t want to miss a moment of the warmth that was now collecting in the bed in the other room. He bounced on his heels with indecision before finally deciding to take the shower anyway. If anything, Jude deserved him smelling his best.

The moment he stepped into the shower, he was immediately grateful for his decision. He hadn’t realized how caked he felt in grime. He scrubbed at his face, feeling the puffiness and tiredness of his eyes. Today had definitely been a rollecoaster, and it all happened so quickly. He couldn’t have been prepared for it all, even if he had known that morning when he woke up, that he would meet his soulmate today. He still couldn’t have been ready for the whirlwind of emotions that berated him today.

Once he was content with his state of cleanliness, and also concerned about falling asleep in the shower, he dragged himself into the cold air of the bathroom and dried himself off. He tied back his flattened, slicked hair, as he usually did after showering. Pulling on clean boxers was the second best thing he had experienced today.

He cut out the light in the bathroom and then the kitchenette, and it was now completely dark save for moonlight that was pouring in through the window at the end of the room. Dan could just make out the silhouette of his soulmate who was silently breathing in his bed.

“Babygirl?” He whispered. No response from the tuft of red hair on the pillow beside his spot. She was already asleep.

He briefly considered sleeping in the other bed, out of respect, but his lightly shivering, bony frame was cut through easily by the cold of the hotel, and he wanted so desperately to curl up next to a soft, warm body. It’d been so long since he had enjoyed such a pleasure.

He tried his best to be very careful as he slipped under the covers beside her, and he froze stiff when she rolled over, heavy eyes looking up at him just over the edge of the duvet.

“Ah—I’m sorry, princess, I—“ He didn’t mean to wake her, but it seemed it didn’t matter, as she immediately closed the gap between them, and his body leeched the welcome warmth from her.

She draped an arm over his chest as she snuggled into his side, and Dan shifted in order to get comfortable with her in his arms, one of his hands coming to rest on the back of her head. She sighed against his shoulder, closing her eyes and smiling into his skin.

Dan heard her sniff just as he was about to doze off, and he looked at her, bringing his spare hand up to her face, feeling the dampness on her cheek. “Jude, baby?” He inquired, his voice croaky with sleep.

“I-I’m just, really happy.” She whispered, her voice tight. “I never thought that this was even a possibility for me.”

Dan rolled over slightly, just enough so he could properly embrace the redhead laying beside him. “Don’t think about the past anymore, babygirl. You’re here, now, with me, and that’s all that matters, princess.” He kissed the top of her head again.

“I love you, Danny.” She whispered, and it made Dan feel cold despite the warmth enveloping him. “I’ve loved you for so long, I’ve wanted to tell you for ages…” She continued, her voice soft and wavering.

This was really happening. It seemed to strike Dan all at once, very suddenly.

He was holding his soulmate, the both of them were only barely clothed, alone in a hotel room. He could see the color of her hair illuminated by the moonlight from behind, creating a soft halo around her face which was obscured by the darkness. He could only tell her eyes were open by the little glints of light on her eyelashes which fluttered with sleepiness and her inability to keep them open.

Dan leaned in close, and kissed her eyelid, which made her chuckle softly, almost a sigh.

“I love you, too, babygirl. You’re _never_ gonna be alone again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I publish this chapter, I'm sitting alone in the livingroom of my biological father's house. My mother and stepfather just declared divorce last night. He has taken possession of everything I have, including my dog, and all my precious belongings, including treasured childhood toys, precious handmade items from friends, and my signed NSP cds and posters. I feel like I'm on a raft at sea during a storm and I don't know what's going to happen next.
> 
> Writing these stories and the input i receive from all of you are one of the few things in this world that bring me unadulterated joy. As such, I'm going to try to continue to write, if not for the sake of my readers, but for the sake of my own sanity.
> 
> Once again I appreciate all of the support, kudos, and comments I have received. I love each and every one of you.
> 
> \--Moobaby


	7. She's Just The Girl For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I've just seen a face,_  
>  _I can't forget the time or place_  
>  _where we just met._  
>  She's just the girl for me  
>  _and I want all the world to see_  
>  _we've met._  
> [[x]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GthspGw9F_A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of sex talk in this chapter but nothing sexy happens, haha.

The sound of the Cool Patrol ‘break’ awoke Dan abruptly from his sleep.

_What the hell?_

It took him a few moments to wake up, remember why there was a woman in bed beside him, where he was, and to realize it was her phone ringing from the pocket of her jacket on the other side of the room.

When it stopped ringing, he flopped back onto the bed on his back, rubbed his eyes. He inhaled deeply and sighed.

A glance at the clock on the wall across from him indicated it was shortly after 9am.

Everyone else was definitely still asleep. The day after the concert was always designated as a rest-day, and they would pack up before leaving the following day.

He turned to look at the redhead lying beside him, who somehow hadn’t awoken from either the ringing of her cellphone, or his own startled jolt. It made him chuckle.

The muted colors of the hotel room hadn’t been bright enough to remind him that he could now differentiate the hues in the room. It wasn’t until he looked over the shock of orange hair on the pillow beside his own that he remembered.

He rolled out of the bed, careful not to wake her, and he bounded over to the window at the end of the room, struggling momentarily to open it. Once he had lifted the glass pane, he ducked out of the window and hung his shoulders and head outside of it, breathing in the thick, not-quite-cold Texas winter air. It was just cold enough to make him regret not putting on a shirt.

The sky was clear, and damn if it wasn’t the most beautiful blue he’d ever seen. Looking down at the street below, he could see red, green, and yellow cars passing by. The trees that never really died in the winter were still deep shades of green and brown. There were flowers incorporated in the landscaping down below, varying shades of purple, yellow, and pink.

Everything that had been so uninteresting and dull before now competed for his attention as his eyes were torn from one color to another.

“Danny?”

Hearing his name normally didn’t make his stomach tighten like that, but somehow her voice uttering his name just felt entirely different. Like it was meant to be spoken by her.

He ducked back inside, underestimating how clear he was of the window pane and clipping the back of his head on it as he brought himself back inside. He hissed between his teeth and swore under his breath as he turned around to look at her, rubbing the top of his head as he did so.

She was sitting up, now, on the edge of the bed they had shared. She had slept in her NSP t-shirt that bore both him and Ninja Brian on the front. Her bare legs were curled up underneath her and Dan could see the freckles on her pale skin so much more clearly. She was like a galaxy of stars, and he wanted to know the details of every planet that inhabited her.

“G’mornin’.” He cleared his throat after hearing the croakiness of his own voice, and he made his way back over to her, walking around the unoccupied bed to sit beside her.

Now that he was closer, he could see the horrifically dark circles around her eyes, looking as if she had two black eyes. For a split second he was horrified, until he remembered—

“You slept with your makeup on, oh my god, you look like a raccoon.” He teased her lightly.

Her eyebrows shot up, and she brought her hands up to rub her eyes, looking at the black smudges on them after pulling them away. “Oh my god, I did.” She laughed softly, interrupted by a small yawn. She didn’t seem all too worried about it at the moment, as she moved closer to Dan, nuzzling into his neck and draping her arms around his shoulders.

His heart beat erratically in his chest as he returned the gesture, scooping one arm underneath her knees and bringing her closer physically until they were wrapped up in eachother again.

“The other guys will probably wake up soon, and we’ll go get breakfast.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I think we were gonna hit up a museum or something today… Today’s our ‘post-concert chill day’ before we head off to the next venue.”

She hummed in acknowledgement, and he felt her sigh against his neck.

“I wish I could go with you, to Austin and Houston.”

Dan thought on this for a moment, “Well… You could, I mean, if you’re out of school for the semester, and you don’t have a job… Just… come with me.” He turned his head downward to brush his nose against the top of her head. “It’ll be another week before we actually leave Texas, and if I’m honest, I don’t think I could stand being apart from you.”

He could feel her smile into the side of his neck, a soft and sleepy giggle leaving her. “Really? I suppose I could tag along… If it’s not gonna be an issue for everyone else.” She leaned away, then, reluctantly, her face distant with thought though she still smiled.

Dan took in the details of her face. The freckles that were so soft on her cheeks, her long eyelashes that still retained some semblance of mascara on them. The little freckle under her eyebrow that was somehow so much darker than all the others.

She suddenly look at him, smiling sheepishly. “Dan? Did you hear me?”

He blinked, twice, then smiled in a goofy manner, running his fingers back through his hair. “Uh, no, sorry, I was…” It had been obvious what he was doing, so he simply trailed off. “… I’m listening.”

“I said that I’ll need to be driven home today, so I can pack a bag and get my own car. That way when you guys do leave, I have a way to drive home from Austin.” Her voice sounded sad towards the end. She was frowning, a soft little pout that covered up her front teeth with her lower lip, and it made Dan’s heart jolt.

“Oh, babygirl, that’s a week away from now, don’t think about that.” Danny cupped her cheeks, stroking her cheekbones with his large thumbs. It made her smile a little, her cheeks becoming very red. He quirked a brow, “What..?” He inquired softly, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“’Babygirl,’ it’s just… You call Arin that, and I never thought I’d hear it referred to me.” She giggled airily.

“Well,” Dan relinquished her cheeks, then, bringing his hands to her waist and lowering her back to the bed, causing her face to redden all the more. He eyes were wide open as Dan hovered over her, placing her hands on his chest. “You _are_ my babygirl. I’m sorry it took so long for you to hear it.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead.

When he drew away he would see the tears in the corners of her eyes, but she was smiling wide, bringing her hands up to grip around the back of his neck and pull him closer. “Kiss me, Danny.” She spoke the words softly, barely above a whisper.

Dan couldn’t deny such a sweet command. He’d wanted to kiss her since the moment he first laid eyes on her.

He cupped the back of her neck with one hand, the other in her hair as he leaned down to meet her lips. He felt ravenous, but he knew it would be her first, he didn’t want to ruin it with his hyperactive libido.

Her lips were soft, if not a little bit chapped from having just woken up. He ignored the scent of morning on her breath, because it honestly didn’t matter. It was a chaste kiss, lingering and sweet, and he could feel the goosebumps on her legs where they brushed together.

When the first kiss ended, she didn’t let him go, immediately leaning up to meet his lips again, and he obliged her, a soft chuckle deep in his throat as they kissed sweetly, again and again, like shy little middle-schoolers.

When she finally parted from him, pushing lightly on his chest to indicate she needed a moment to breathe, he smiled down at her. “Was it… What you always hoped for?” He gently scratched at the back of her neck, where the peach-fuzzy length of her hair felt nice on his fingertips.

She just nodded, bringing her hands up to cover her face as she began to giggle, grinning wide. It made him smile brightly down at her.

God, she was incredible.

“I love you, babygirl.” He whispered, running his free hand back through her hair. “I always have. I was born loving you. It just took way too long for our paths to cross.”

She pulled her hands away from her face, sighing sweetly at the way he played with her hair. “… That’s gay.” She said, with affection.

It made his brows knit together in confusion, a grin spreading across his lips. “What? Well… _You’re_ gay.”

She giggled as she looked up at him, “You know what? I am. I was actually surprised when this all happened… Always thought I’d have a lady soulmate. But don’t think I’m complaining, not one bit.” Her hands were on his bare chest again, her fingers scratching gently into the hair on his chest.

“ _Oh_.” Dan’s brows shot up, and it was his turn to blush. He’d had a threesome with two lesbian chicks in his younger years, and he tried not to think about such a scenario with Jude involved.

… That was for another time, at least.

He was quiet for a few moments, and this had garnered her concern. “Danny? Is that an issue? I mean, either way, I’m… I’m not a virgin but I’ve never been with—“

“No, no, baby, it’s not an issue, my mind just kinda… Wandered…” His eyes refocused as he looked down at her, a grin tugging at his lips, “Not a virgin, hmm?” He tickled the side of her neck, earning a squeaky giggle from the female under him.

She shook her head, playfully batting away his hand, “Don’t tickle me, that’s a mistake you will wish you didn’t make.” She threatened playfully, but firmly enough that he didn’t try again. They both remained smiling.

“But, no… Not a virgin. I’ve uh… Already completely wrecked my hymen all on my own.” She looked away from him with a huge, stupid grin on her face, her cheeks red.

“Ohh, is that so? Somebody likes toys, then, hmm?” Dan leaned in and peppered the side of her neck with sweet little kisses that made Jude jerk slightly, brows shooting up.

“A-ah, maybe… Danny, I don’t think I’m quite ready for—“

He pulled away immediately, “Right, right, sorry babygirl, I…” He pulled one of his hands away to card through his thick curls.

“It’s okay. It’s not like I don’t want to, I just… I don’t know. Maybe not in a hotel, with your friends and coworkers in the next room?” She smiled sheepishly up at him, bringing her hands to his shoulders.

“Right, you’re right, baby. Sorry.” He chuckled softly before leaning down to kiss her forehead. “Speaking of them, we should probably get ready. They’re all gonna want their breakfast and coffee pretty soon after they all wake up.”

She hummed sweetly at the lips against her forehead, then nodded. “Right. I’m gonna take a shower, then.” She smiled up at him before shifting to sit up, Dan rolling onto his back heavily on the bed beside her.

“I showered last night after you fell asleep, so…” He pat his thighs idly as he figured out what he’d do with himself. “I’m just gonna… Be here.”

She shook her head at him with amusement, before disappearing into the bathroom with a clean towel and the rest of her clothes.

Dan didn’t hesitate to take care of his slight boner problem. Damn him for being so easily aroused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I want to thank everyone who has been following this story for your patience. I apologize profusely for the month-long hiatus. This is just an update from my notes on the last entry.
> 
> Earlier this month, I was kicked out of my home. I was accused of ruining my mother and step-father's marriage, and told they were going to divorce. My mother and siblings and I were all kicked out of our family home of eleven years with nothing but the clothes on our backs. For a few days, we were forced to stay with my biological father, my mother and I sleeping on the floors for a few days.
> 
> Things have improved, my mother and stepfather reconciled and my siblings are now at home, but... I cannot go back. I gathered my belongings and left. I've been couch surfing while desperately seeking employment and trying to juggle my education at the same time. I've fallen into a deep pit of depression due to all of this and lost the motivation to write.
> 
> I'm in a semi-stable place now, living with family friends. I have a bed to sleep in, wi-fi, and I'm not going hungry. I'm yet to find a job but right now I'm not being charged for rent, so it's not as urgent. But I am still hurting for money, and I will eventually have to find a place of my own.
> 
> As well as a writer, I'm also an artist. I'm working on an **Art and Writing commissions** page that will be posted in the near future on my tumblr. [If you don't already follow me, do give me a follow to keep up-to-date on how my life is going as well as the progress on new chapters and immediate chapter updates as well.](http://moobaby.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Once again, thank you all for your patience and well-wishes. I wrote this chapter just in the last two hours, after having been struck with inspiration while, ironically, eating peanut-butter-chocolate-chip brownies. Perhaps I just need to treat myself more often and writing will come easier.
> 
> \--Moobaby


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